“Of all the trauma I’ve gone through, being fat was the worst”
I said these words to a friend of mine today while we were talking about an article we read about not saying things to your children about their body size.
It wasn’t so much the extra chub I had on my body as a child that caused the trauma. It was what I believed about myself because of it. It was the things people said to me. It was the way it seemed to differentiate me from everyone else as almost a non human,
Because I was overweight, it suddenly became ok for kids to hit me as hard as they could to see if I could feel it.
Because I was overweight, it was suddenly ok for people to comment on what or how much I ate.
Because I was overweight it suddenly became ok for stores to charge 5X the cost for me to have clothes to wear.
Because I was overweight I felt like it was my social obligation to be on a diet.
Because I was overweight I didn’t feel like I could be seen, ever, or someone would make fun of me.
The biggest thing wasn’t even any of those things. It was how I saw myself.
I began to see myself through this lens of not being ok, not being human. I began to see myself through the lens of being unworthy of being treated kindly, thus I treated myself horribly.
I remember at one point, when I had gained a lot of weight after the birth of my first child I only had one pair of pants and the thighs were full of holes, so I had to sit just right to keep the holes from showing. The sad thing was, I believed I deserved this humiliation.
I pinned all the abuse that I suffered on my size, that somehow I must've deserved it.
Because I believed that I was unworthy I attracted horrible people into my life, I attracted horrible financial situations, and I spoke down to myself all day, every day.
It’s so easy to suffer from something and take it on as our fault, as something is wrong with us.
I believe that a lack of worthiness is the underlying root of so many things.
I see this over and over and over with my clients. They have something happen to them and then they believe that this thing has caused them to be unworthy, and it bleeds over into every area of their lives, their relationships and their children.
It doesn't have to be this way. We don’t have to live the rest of our lives being affected by the past. If you are ready to heal all the things holding you back, come join the Ultimate Transformation Course!